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He had not got the time or the inclination to have to look after them or organise things for them. He wondered whether she would raise the boarding school thing again. It would certainly be less of a financial burden if they did not go on to private secondary schools. Eton and Marlborough were extremely expensive. He had no idea whether either of the children was scholarship material. He had never done more than skim their end of term reports.The good thing was that he would soon be free and able to devote more time to wooing Briony. The trouble was that she had not seemed much impressed with his advances, still besotted with Tom. He was the stumbling block. Trying to pair him off with Susie was clearly not going to go anywhere. In fact, trying to pair him off with anyone was unlikely to succeed.The first thing though was to get himself a solicitor and get him to reply to this Mrs du Puys. He clearly could not use Barnes and Honey who would have been his first choice. He looked other. She eventually said she needed to get home and left, clearly disappointed. I felt bad that I wasn't receptive of her attention, but I couldn't lift myself out of my funk. Mia called me that evening, then Shay called. I couldn't really talk to them. Not yet. I knew they were worried and disappointed that I wouldn't or couldn't talk, but everything was just too raw. I'd call them in a few days, once I felt better.I told Mom I wanted to sleep in my room, by myself. She looked disappointed, too, but kissed me and told me she loved me.How could she love me? How could any of them? I was such a fucking failure.They made me sit in one of the two dozen chairs beneath the awning. I know they did it because I was on crutches, but all I could think about was that I had a great view of the shiny metal casket and dark gaping hole in the ground behind it. Fuzz's parents wanted me to be a pallbearer, but because I was gimpy, I couldn't actually carry the casket. They had me listed on the funeral.
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